you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he was CRYING into my vagina
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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