i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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