This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
