Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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