She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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