so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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