woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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