I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
