I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
