I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
