so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Randomize
