can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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