I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
