I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize