I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Randomize
