can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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