Already got asked if we're dating
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
