i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
