ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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