matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
