i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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