I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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