we have officially lost it.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She's the barista slut.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
