i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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