so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
