you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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