It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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