tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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