I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
