Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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