The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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