he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize