Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
