btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
