If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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