I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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