We named our party play list daddy issues
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Boobs speak an international language.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize