I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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