grandma shit on top of the toilet
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
