I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
