I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize