its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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