Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
