Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
