if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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