Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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