Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
