I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
