i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
