How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
