doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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