Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
