Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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