nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
