apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
