Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
