I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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