What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize