i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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