I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Randomize
