I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
