you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
