He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
