Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
