I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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