fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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