I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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