Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I enjoy the company of your penis
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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