Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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