We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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