when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I would ride that face into the sunset
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
