Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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