I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
